Female Athletes Deciphered

Since most of the players we coach are female and many of the coaches are males, I thought I'd try and give a little insight into how the female mind works, and how some of our actions & comments, while intended to create positive results might actually be having the opposite effect on our players. If you'll allow me a little generalization on this as there are certainly some females who aren't like this, but as a rule Girls and Women:

1. Are Pleasures - and want to do whatever we can to please the person either in charge or that we like (or both). So your players will do whatever they can to do whatever they think pleases you. Keep in mind that your actions are what really portray this message to your players and not your words. So if you're trying to get their behavior to change try complimenting them whenever they show the correct behavior. For instance, you might love kids that hustle but never compliment those that do. Instead of getting on the ones that don't hustle, try complimenting the ones that are - you'll be amazed at the difference you'll start to see in the ones that aren't hustling.
2. We're never good enough - never skinny enough, never pretty enough, never loved enough, never talented enough...never enough of whatever. So when we get criticized it only makes us believe we aren't good enough even faster then we would have realized it on our own. Men and Boys aren't like this so much. They think they're ok and in a lot of cases (particularly with boys) might even think they're better then they are. So while the criticism given out might not bother you as a male coach it has the completely opposite effect on girls and women. In most cases it makes us KNOW we're horrible. Period - effort over!
3. Tone of Voice matters! - You might not really be mad at me, but if your voice sounds like you are then I think you are. That's a big reason why yelling across the field at players isn't very helpful or effective. You might only be doing it so they'll hear you since they're far away, or it's windy, but on the players end all they know is that you're yelling at them so they must have done something wrong - and therefore you don't like them....sounds crazy but it's what they think.
4. You Yelled at My Friend so I'm Mad at You - This one is REALLY puzzling to guys and yet a very common-place behavior among female teams. Let's say you yell at, or some-how discipline one of my friends. She might be pretty secure and able to just brush it off, but not me. I'm sensitive and I don't think you treated her right so while the player you actually disciplined is over it, I'm mad at you for a good week. Sound familiar? Women seem to be far more "team" oriented and that "team" concept starts with our most immediate "team" which is our friends and family. So, whenever you hurt one of our inner-circle "team" members, you've in effect hurt us and we act accordingly, which in most cases means we simply hold it against you for a long time.

Of course every female isn't like this nor is this behavior logical, but, it's real on all levels that I've been associated with - from Junior Olympic/youth softball, to college softball to the national team level - it's how most women are.

Sine I'm a woman I'm obviously not putting women down, but rather trying to offer a helpful glimpse into how most of us think and react to things around us. If you've chosen to coach female athletes it's helpful to better understand how they tick.

For more details and strategies for dealing with this issue of Coaching the Female Athlete I recommend my book, A Coaches Guide to Creating Team Chemistry; Tips on Coaching the Female Athlete.