4 Keys for Successful Post Game Talks

It’s the 4th inning, you were up by 2 and suddenly you find yourself down by 3! As the game implodes around you you’re already planning for your post-game tirade. If this sounds familiar then read on to discover a more successful way to handle those post-game talks.

Fastpitch Softball Successful Post Game Talks

Addressing your team after a loss is never easy but make sure you don’t fall into the traps that can start to make losing a habit.

The best advice I can give you for your Post-Game talks is simple: get in and get out! You’re a softball coach, not a professional speaker. Your role is to help teach your players the skills needed to succeed and then to strategize during the game to beat your opponent – not to give a grand and glorious speech when it’s all over and everyone’s a genius!

After the game isn’t the time to start re-hashing things play-by-play. The team either won or lost based on lots of factors so starting down a long and usually horrible list of every single terrible play will not improve your team’s chances for their next game: in fact, quite the opposite. The only person that feels good after one of these blistering post-game rants is you! There isn’t one player on your team who is improved from your words and isn’t that your main role, to help improve your players?

Oh trust me, I know what I’m talking about since I was that coach! I’ve given some absolutely horrible post-game tirades that would make General Patton himself proud. Of course they did NOTHING to help my team. I used to take notes on the back of my lineup card about things I wanted to address following the game, and none of them were positive so I know the temptation to rant and rave.

But then I had a brain transformation. A combination of forces hit me that made me suddenly realize my players weren’t trying to screw up – in fact quite the opposite. They were trying their hardest to play good, and this horrible game we all just played was the best they could do. So I finally realized that what my players really needed from me wasn’t a negative play-by-play but instead, was some form of hope that they wouldn’t perform this horribly the next time they showed up.

So my brain transformation was one of the parts that led to my post-game talk change, but there was another part as well, and that was hearing a clinic topic by my good friend Sharon Drysdale. Sharon, at the time was the Head Coach at Northwestern and still is one of the most forward thinking people I know. Well Sharon gets up there and tells everyone that she eliminated all post-game talks. That she couldn’t find anything positive about them so she decided to just get rid of them. Now to me, that made a TON of sense, but it was also like saying that we could never bunt anymore – it was a very un-softball like at the same time!

Well thanks to Sharon I tried it with the professional team I was coaching at the time and it worked! It didn’t just kind of work, it worked great! Now before we look at the Keys to Your Post-Game Talks and how you should handle the end of the game if you decide not to eliminate your talks, let’s discuss a few details about these talks.

Most of us are coaching girls or women, although there are a few of you out there who are fortunate enough to be coaching boy’s fastpitch, but the majority of this reading audience is coaching women. So, let’s look at a few keys about coaching females:

Women Are Sensitive:
- Something as simple as trying to be motivational and pump up a team can suddenly go very wrong if you aren’t aware of the pitfalls that lie ahead.
- Men aren’t too sensitive so it takes them awhile to figure out somebody’s upset. If the coach is really mad then tone of voice isn’t enough with guys. There will need to be some yelling & screaming thrown in along with a trash can or two kicked, all in an effort to really drive home the fact that the coach is upset. Guys won’t take any of if personal but will simply say, “wow, coach is mad, we better play better”.
- Women on the other hand…try kicking a trash can in front of them and they’ll think your nuts!
Tone of Voice Matters:
- Tone of Voice is everything with women so as soon as you even look mad women already know you’re mad – you don’t have to start yelling. How you say something can matter far more to women than what you say, so be careful of your Tone of Voice.
Women Blame Themselves for Things:
- So when you’re really only mad at one or two players but decide to yell at the entire team, chances are every single player on that team thinks you’re mad at them and now you’ve got a real problem on your hands.
Nobody Likes to be Embarrassed:
- The players already played bad once, you don’t have to embarrass them again by yelling at them or making them run in front of everyone. Nobody likes to be embarrassed, male or female so don’t do it.

I mention these things because most of us use our post-game talk to break everyone of these little rules. If you already know how your audience will receive your information, and that it won’t be helpful in the slightest (other than making you feel better), than why go ahead and do it?

Instead, let’s look at some things you can do following a game to really help ensure that your players leave feeling ready to show up next time and play good. Remember to Get In and Get Out Fast:

If They Played GOOD! – Simply tell them great job, I’m proud of you! Point out anyone that played exceptionally good (be sure to include bench players who might have had a small role but a big contribution!)
If They Played BAD! – tell them don’t hang your heads, nobody tried to play this way. Point out anyone who might have had a good game, then let them know we’ll work on some things at our next practice that will help improve our play. Remind them that everyone has bad games so leave it here on this field and don’t take it home with you!
Give Them What Happens Next:
- If they have another game – then give them the time and location and uniform
- If they are leaving the field – tell them how long they have before they leave, what they can or can’t do in the meantime, where they need to be when it’s time to leave, and what time you are leaving
- If they have practice next – tell them when it is, where it is, what time and what to wear.
Finish With a Positive Comment – Find something positive to say, that is real, and end on that. I just heard Joe Madden, the manager of the Tampa Bay Rays talk about his team’s performance following a 12-2 loss. He said, I thought our guys played well, they (meaning the other team) just hit more home runs than us – by a lot! OK. Point made. Our pitchers gave up too many home runs but our hitters could have produced more runs at the same time. We don’t need to outline how bloody the battle was when we all know we lost the war, that day!

If you can’t bear to think of life without your wonderful Post-Game Talks then at least consider these suggestions before opening your mouth next time:

Calm Down First – if you’re really mad take a second to calm yourself and your voice down before addressing your team. Too many times we talk while we’re mad and once the words come out you can’t take them back. Your personal frustration with how they played is nothing compared to theirs. They played it and now you want to blast them for it, again? Calm down first!
One Is Enough – get rid of the concept of every single member of the coaching staff having to stand there and give their opinion about how you just played. Enough already!! The team got it while they were playing it they didn’t even need your comments so for sure they don’t need the 3^rd assistant’s observations.
Take It Away From the Crowd – quit holding your talks in front of everyone. The game itself was bad enough and now the team has to sit there in front of their parents, friends and fans and get yelled at by you? Stop. Be kind and if you feel you must yell at them then do it in a location where nobody else can see it.
The Punishment Quicksand – Be VERY careful if you make them run immediately after a game. If the team played bad they know they did, and they know they deserve some kind of punishment for it but they don’t deserve to do it in front of everyone! I asked a 12 year old girl the other day how she felt about her coach making their team run 19 poles (19 poles!) following a horrible game. She said they knew they deserved to be punished since they played so bad, but do it at practice and not in front of everyone. She also said that killed the whole team spirit and they all want to quit. It wasn’t the punishment but where it was doled out.
Address It At Practice – instead of losing your mind right after the game, wait until your next practice and then calmly ask your team, “so, what do you guys think about how we played?” They’ll all start tearing themselves apart – you won’t have to. They’ll point out all the things they individually and collectively need to work on so then you get to say, “great! Now let’s get started on fixing all that!” which is a much more positive situation for everyone.
Have a Solution – instead of just pointing out the problems be a high level coach and have a solution. Give them something specific to focus on to turn things around and try to reconstruct & support them. They need to know you support them and are giving them a strategy to change things. If you blame them for how things are then they’ll give up on themselves and it’s all over!

And finally, remember that no matter how important softball is to you it’s still just softball. We aren’t talking open heart surgery. As coaches we are the leaders and if you want your team to bounce back from a tough loss with confidence, energy and fire then YOU be the change you want to see. YOU have that same confidence and energy and fire!

For more help on this topic check out the following:

Book – Coach’s Guide to Creating Team Chemistry

Filed under: All, Communication — Tags: after the game, end, Female, females, girls, men v women, men vs women, motivate, motivation, over, post game talk, post-game, postgame, postgame talk — Cindy Bristow @ 9:05 pm

Comments (16)

16 Comments »

Cindy,
This is so right on. I have been coaching softball from 12U to 18U, high school and even middle school over the last 20 years. I agree with every point that you made. I have learned these over the years by making mistakes. I just wish other coaches would get this message.
Thanks
John Stegmaier

Comment by John Stegmaier — March 9, 2010 @ 7:13 am

Wow, you were so correct in all you said. Coaches like me that have been in this profession for 3 decades need to hear certain things over and over thoughout our career.We play a powerhouse team today and a better post game speech might be in order. Thank you,JD Long Head coach and athletic director Alderson Broaddus College NCAA DII.

Comment by JD Long — March 9, 2010 @ 9:09 am

Hi Cindy,

I always read your newsletters and find them informative and entertaining. On this one however, its a little unfair to say that all men dont know how to treat a female athlete, in this case, after a game. I have 3 daughters that I have coached as they grew up. Admittedly, I was their worst coach, because I only yelled at THEM. To this day I regret it very deeply inside as I hope I haven’t hurt them emotionally forever. But rarely, if at all, did or have I done anything like kick a trash can or show displeasure other than in my tone of voice. Now coaching at the D1 level, I feel even stronger not to do more than use inflection and reflection as teaching tools to our players. My tone gets the point across, and then I put it on the team to look at themselves to correct whatever they need to correct…in practice, with my guidance. I’m sure there are other male coaches out there that are the same, or are at least trying to. And I’m sure, as I have witnessed, many female coaches out there that have been less than exemplary in their manner of berating their team, during and after games. So I believe your advice is on target, but not properly pointed at both male and female coaches. Thanks for reading this and I look forward to your next newsletter.

Bob Guerriero
Assistant Softball coach
Seton Hall University

Comment by Bob Guerriero — March 9, 2010 @ 11:17 am

Thank you for this article about post game talks! This is my 13th yr. of coaching girls and young ladies…( 10 at Comm.College, and now the 3rd at H.S.) These tips are so useful, and I will be saving this to review and remind…Thanks again! Matt Loes-Head Coach Oympia H.S. (Washington St)

Comment by Matt Loes — March 9, 2010 @ 1:42 pm

Hey Coach Guerriero -
I appreciate your point that it’s unfair for me to say that I think that all men don’t know how to treat female athletes after a game. First of all, that’s not what I think and certainly not at all waht I meant to say. If you felt I said that then I greatly apologize! The point I was making in stating the “general” differences between men and women was that most players are women and most coaches are men so if men (who are generally less sensitive to things like tone of voice & body language) give emeotional talks based on what would fire them up, it might be back-firing on their female players. That’s all..it wasn’t meant to say that men give horrible post-game talks and women don’t. As I stated about myself, I was the worst violator for years! Hope this clears it up better – thanks for coaching! Cindy

Comment by Cindy Bristow — March 9, 2010 @ 5:10 pm

About time this got addressed!!! My post game talk consists of three parts:

1. Good effort today ladies.
2. Tomorrows game (or practice time) is at ?
3. Let’s make sure we clean out the dugout. See you tomorrow.

Ed Bowe
Galesburg-Augusta (MI) High School

Comment by Ed Bowe — March 9, 2010 @ 7:06 pm

Cindy,

This is a great article on post game talks. I am one who also takes Patton to my post game talks and you are right it only relieved my pressure. I am going to try no post game talks the rest of our Spring season to see if this will be a positive thing for our team.

Gary Rodgers
Head Softball Coach
Saint Mary-of-the-Woods College

Comment by Gary Rodgers — March 10, 2010 @ 12:00 am

Hi Cindy,
First of all thanks for all you do for the sport of softball! your articles always put great perspective on things. Like most coaches im always looking for an edge. I normally dont brow-beat….I have always believed that a coach should never break a kid or team down without a solid plan to build them back up…But the thought of NO post game speach…Im going to try this. Ill get back to you on how my team responds!
Thanks,

Milton Teer
Head softball coach
Milan High School, Indiana

Comment by Milton Teer — March 10, 2010 @ 11:05 am

You hit the nail right on the head Cindy! I went away from post-game talks for several years, only to start talking again this year. I will no longer give the grave yard speech and go back to the lets wait until tomorrow to work on fundamentals and strategies. Females are hard on themselves, I do not need to add fuel to the fire. Thanks for all you do for the sport and keep challenging even us old timers!

Comment by Sheryl Neff- Head Coach Barton College — March 11, 2010 @ 1:36 pm

Hey Coaches -
For those of you considering dropping your post-game talks completely here are a few suggestions:
1. Tell your players what you’re going to do and why. Otherwise they’re going to think they’re really in trouble since you’re so mad you can’t even talk to them. Let them know you realize these talks get a little to negative and we don’t want that tone around our team. If we have anything we need to fix following a game we’ll do it at a practice and only meet after that game to go over instructions about where we’re eating or meeting next.
2. Make sure you still let everyone know whats going on next – whenever next is.

Really like hearing all the open minds out there and wish all of you the best of luck this season!
Cindy

Comment by Cindy Bristow — March 11, 2010 @ 8:06 pm

Nice job again Cindy. You have so much good information. Even for the old timers it’s good to hear it again.
I always hated the post game “yelling”. Never did me any good as a player and I don’t see it doing much good for our players either. Most just shut down, like you say they already know what they did – good and bad.
I’ve seen coaches loose it and then loose half the team and have to pull out of a tournament.
Keep up the good work.
Thanks

Comment by Brad — March 12, 2010 @ 3:04 pm

Cindy, I really enjoy your newsletters and advice. I have been coaching for 4 years and try to use some of your suggestions with my daughters team (12U now). IF you were to give a post game talk after your team played back to back games in which they played with great effort and intesity the first game, and then totally flat and unfocused the second, what would you say?
Thanks,
Jim DiSalvo
Sarasota FL

Comment by Jim DiSalvo — March 19, 2010 @ 4:51 pm

Cindy,

Your information regarding POST GAME TALKS is right on. As a young coach, I find myself often giving a documentary after the game. I always feel better after the speech; however, walk away wondering just which player actually took in the information. And that’s just it. After a defeat, the players are still replaying their faults from the game in their mind while I am vocally remind them. Like Coach Long stated….there will be a more positive reflection in the next speech to come. Thanks.

Comment by Sabrina McCullough — March 22, 2010 @ 10:31 am

Jim,
In regards to what I’d say to your 12U team after playing back-to-back games; having great effort & intensity game 1 but being flat and unfocused in game 2 – I’d tell them we need to go eat and get some rest. Then let them know when and where we play or practice next. The problem isn’t something that words can fix. They’re 12 (or younger). Concentrating and playing at a highly focused level for a period of over 3 hours is hard enough for adults let alone for 12 year old kids! Sounds like they ran out of gas. Work on helping them eat better before games and in between games, keep themselves hydrated and make sure they get plenty of rest. They’re 12 and just when you forget that part they’ll actually play like it! Hang in there with them and don’t let them be too hard on themselves! Cindy

Comment by Cindy Bristow — March 22, 2010 @ 5:26 pm

Cindy,

A few weeks ago we hit a rough spot in our season. At the end of the game my emotions had over taken my reasoning. Sometimes as a coach I know I can be a little harsh. I knew me blowing up at this team in particular would not help them get back on track. At the end of the game I told the team after dinner we would have our post game talk in the hotel. At dinner my staff and I reviewed our measure of success and we realized the team did not play as bad as we four felt. We ended up have a very productive post game meeting after dinner and have since won 9 out of last 10. I will definatley be doing more “later” end of the game talks! Thank you for everything. Your suggestion really helped!

Comment by Amanda Lehotak — March 23, 2010 @ 11:33 am

Great insight! One thing I have used over the years with my high school and youth teams is win or loose, we circle up and every girl must say one thing they did well today. It is surprising how even in a win, or when you know a girl did something great, they have the hardes time saying it aloud. I have had girls hit extra base hits or made great diving catches but at the end of the game can’t think of anything.

Comment by Jay ferguson — January 16, 2011 @ 3:33 pm

4 Keys for Successful Post Game Talks

By: Cindy Bristow

It’s the 4th inning, you were up by 2 and suddenly you find yourself down by 3! As the game implodes around you you’re already planning for your post-game tirade. If this sounds familiar then read on to discover a more successful way to handle those post-game talks.

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4 Keys for Successful Post Game Talks

By: Cindy Bristow

It’s the 4th inning, you were up by 2 and suddenly you find yourself down by 3! As the game implodes around you you’re already planning for your post-game tirade. If this sounds familiar then read on to discover a more successful way to handle those post-game talks.

16 Comments »

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